Some Kind of Miracle: How Breast Augmentation Changed My View of Myself

I believe in miracles. In fact, in my lifetime, I think I’ve witnessed quite a few. However, a “push-up” bra – no matter how well-made- does NOT qualify as a miracle to me. It is more like an illusion, a trick. While it suggests – even promises – the allure of youth and beauty, when it comes to fulfillment, it (pardon the pun) falls flat.  Because even the loveliest bra has to be taken off eventually.

Whether that means the “big reveal” is a humiliating first glimpse by an eager new lover, or the predictable gaze of a lifelong partner, virtually every woman knows the embarrassment and possible shame of disrobing and exposing the real thing. When the underwire, the uplift, the padding and the straps are gone, you’re just left with you and all of your insecurities and vulnerability. And although most men genuinely love and accept their too-small, lop-sided, deflated or droopy women, we have a hard time convincing ourselves of that.

Women realize it is silly-even destructive-to feel this way. We remind ourselves that we are more than just objects, that we are deeper than the two-dimensional images and unrealistic messages we’re subjected to every day. And yet, most of us will admit that we wish we had voluptuous bodies with “perfect” breasts. We buy expensive bras and succumb to ridiculous offers for gimmicks that might enhance what nature has given us. Usually, we end up feeling like we are wearing a disguise… and that leaves us feeling ashamed.

I have wrestled with shame most of my life, and so have many of my friends. Shame is something  many women are intensely familiar with. Last year, as I found myself facing “50”, I decided to make a change. Instead of continuing the argument I’d been having with myself for decades, I opted to have breast augmentation surgery and the results were amazing. If I was wrestling  with shame in the past, I can now say I have beaten it.

More than just the obvious physical benefits, I have experienced an inner transformation that is almost miraculous. It was empowering to make my body look the way I wanted it to look. My confidence has soared and I am reminded daily that, although I will never be perfect, I do not have to settle for shame. We have choices, and I’m so happy with the choice I made. My only regret is having waited so long.